I am working with my deep symptom in structure field.
What insight i notice after: It was interesting to see how structure distortion sounds.
Indeed a person do not notice structure distortion. We feel feelings, we feel our family system scenarios, everyone feel it less or more. But we do not feel structure field distortion or male structure or our position distortion. Because it is not feelings here. On the field of session, its just very dry there. Its like a red and green button. A YES or NO. There is a place or no place.
In reality how is the example of structure distortion: Example of my own case, when first level expert twisted my symptom – i remembered i cried alot because whatever i did for growths, or to improve myself in money in relationship in children direction in health were not improving.
I knew i did GSR sessions alot! I felt that i endlessly work on them but wherever i tried to improve myself especially in my career as module 1 curator or specialist on that time all ended up bad.. It was always some little growth then stuck or big dropped. I wanted to quit GSR, stopped to try, quit expert and back to my country.
In my structure field session , the distortion was like – there is no no no no no no no place.. endlessly
Just no place to growth, many anchestor living a very low rank life, which full of rank ambition and male structure was so broken that it tried to compensate alot with many things but it did not help except just as result everything went worse until my position.
If there are no place to growth – then its not possible to growth and go to right direction, if place given to be excluded – then whatever happens i am excluded, if the place sounds to be not visible – then i will strive to not be visible – to be not important, if the place given to just exist and being forgotten – i would be this.. etc.. I unconsciousnessly going to the situation that also could support this, and i did live like that for years! If there are holes, all resources were leaking through this holes to nowhere instead to be directed to something useful and constructive, this is structure distortion.
In GSR system i had such opportunities to sit in system position, as curator of module 1 for Indonesian and English speakers. But for years i throw this position away because inside whatever big growth and opportunities came to me, its not for me and no place.. i could not growth..
After structure session, there are places now, the resources can expand.. lets see how i will be in my life with this changes..
I already saw what working with this symptom gives me, it created me with new life, its not changing my old me to new me, i can say that who i am now were never existed, it just a completely different person with different life, destinies, opportunities to live…
