Recovering after a major surgery is no small feat. The physical pain of the incisions, the weakness from the anesthesia, and, as it was in my case, any damage caused by improper or incorrect procedure during the operation, requires long and arduous physical therapy to recover stamina and strength. This undertaking, going under the knife, also takes a psychological toll on one’s psyche, leaving a person vulnerable to doubts, fears, and insecurities to arise, especially if susceptible before such surgery was ever at play. Lastly, there are the strenuous financial and familial stresses as one recuperates, unable to work and tend for oneself fully. Returning to wellness and wholeness is by no means an easy task as it requires mental stability, focus, clarity, tenacity, and support from a loving community to nurture the patient back to health.
Root of the problem: my story began over 30 years ago when doctors diagnosed me with a medical condition called Pseudotumor Cerebri by which my body inexplicably either makes or does not evacuate cerebrospinal fluid properly. The extra build-up of fluid can lead to blindness, coma, and death. Medications and surgery are ways to avoid these major consequences. In my case, numerous shunts were placed ineffectively through the decades to relieve the intracranial pressure, causing further complications and life-threatening infections. Therefore, I dreaded the possibility of yet another shunt operation, dreading repetitive harm, avoiding it since the pandemic began as the progression of my condition had been such that doctors deemed it necessary. By the time the surgery was performed, a 90-minute intervention took over 4 hours, a third unanticipated incision was required, and an incident during the inserting of the catheter left me with a nicked nerve in my throat and paralyzed left vocal cord. Having difficulty swallowing and unable to speak fully, I returned home from the hospital a changed woman. Allopathic medicine had done all it could, and it was my turn to seek deeper, and find a voice from within.
A new way: having nowhere to turn I looked inward. I am no stranger to alternative medicine as I have meditated daily for decades, having studied Mahayana Buddhism, I am a Reiki Master, a Tarot and Lenormand reader, Astrologer, Coach, and seeker of healing arts. My inner life is one that I hold in high esteem and practice being in silence and listening to my inner self intently. Yet, I was most intrigued by a technique I have been introduced to by one of my teachers. A technique for self-development called GSR, which has as one of its principal mottos “Any problem can be solved. Any goal can be achieved.” This technique is quite simple but ingenious: when one has an inner state or feeling you take it by looking at a piece of paper, and then you fix it by repeating a scheme of taught steps which lead to a resolution.
My journey in this work began by serendipity at the suggestion of my astrology teacher, way before this surgery ever took place. It continued in the form of taking sessions before I ever thought of taking the leap into learning GSR Module 1, which I soon did. I remember sitting and observing the specialist do what I called, ‘this little dance’ (the steps), in total awe. Watching her, I was slowly assimilating an understanding, that GSR was to become an integral part of my life.
After the surgery, and having this technique under my belt, I was desperate to find a way out of the physical and psychological predicament I was in, so I delved into this work, doing sessions for myself, and doing sessions with specialists. I still remember the joy I felt when I reached the point in recovery, and I was able to return to doing my own sessions. It was like the sky had opened and nothing could stop me. I was slow but focused and deliberate. A newfound energy and inner resource had awoken in me. Interestingly, I did not know what the results would be. It was only the frustration of losing my identity when I lost my voice, of still feeling the physical pain of headaches even after surgery, that led me through continuous sessions. I wanted to feel alive. I wished to want to be alive! Perhaps this was the biggest revelation, the day the session came when I could feel my own being, my own life; look at the sun and feel its warmth at the core of my essence. This was like blossoming into a new reality. Finding myself having such a difficult time speaking, I realized that my voice did not define me, as I had previously believed. No more fears, no more doubts, no more struggles.
The turn: my goals have now changed. Not only am I writing a book about my experience, but my understanding about chronic pain has grown. I am also focused on becoming a life and transformational coach as I want to help others grapple with what I have gone through. To this extent I want to use the tools I know, like being a GSR specialist and doing sessions with others, to guide and facilitate those who find themselves at pivot times in their lives.
Perhaps the most joyful thing is that I am becoming more vulnerable, opening up, discovering who I am a little bit more every day; having the confidence and trust in myself and my being to go further, no matter what. That is part of the beauty of this process. GSR helps me learn who I am with keen focus, wiping away any clouds and fuzziness. There is an understanding now. When I feel a certain way, if there is resistance, if there is a struggle, if it makes me unhappy in any way, I simply take a symptom and fix it. It all goes back to Module 1.
I am in GSR for the sole purpose that I feel it to be the most approachable tool I know which takes, fixes, and wipes clean any disconnect or disorder from past family trends embedded in the subconscious. And the best part is how little awareness one needs to have at the start of the work for the process to unravel and disentangle brilliantly; sometimes so accurately that one is unable to observe the difference between the before and the after. I knew how well it was working when my husband, who is not one to notice much about these kinds of things, encouraged me to continue, as he had noticed how much I had changed.
Yet, having just gone through major surgery, I have realized that there is another side that has kept me coming back to this technique, and this is its focus on outer reality. As one practices, the ability to perceive the straight, direct relationship between inner feelings and outer reality gets fine-tuned, as one understands that there is truly nothing unachievable. The connection between one’s desires and their coming true becomes a reachable goal instead of an unattainable dream.
The proof that I am on the right track came to me as I was making this career change decision, of being a life and transformational coach, and three people asked me for sessions within a week’s time to do this work I was dreaming about. As I am still recovering, my time is limited and I schedule appointments spaced out, but I look forward to working with people who seek to make dreams a reality in their own lives, following the process of their inner states of feelings through to observing how things change in outer reality. Dreams do come true!
