“I wanted to share my story with you, but as I started writing, I realized something: I can’t convey to you the full intensity of my emotions back THEN, because right now I hardly have those feelings, and it’s always difficult to recall emotions that aren’t present. But… I’ll try!
Here’s a little background: I am the owner and director of a business. My company is involved with a German manufacturer of building materials, which is important in this context because at a certain point, just as we were recovering from the pandemic, we hit a roadblock. A massive roadblock. All contracts were suddenly put on hold, deliveries stopped, prices skyrocketed, and our business partners went into hiding. However, the multi-million loans and ongoing obligations didn’t just disappear.”
After all the preventive measures in late 2022, I experienced a financial crash: due to loan defaults, all of the company’s accounts were emptied, and we began operating solely to repay the debt that had accumulated with the bank.
My personal debit cards were also sent there as a guarantee, and my credit cards were demanded for early repayment and blocked for use. At the same time, banks and collectors started calling me, and soon after that, enforcement officers joined in. The latter acted silently and inevitably: through the government services portal, I found out that my travel was restricted, all my property was seized, and there was a ban placed on my cards. Since our business is highly seasonal, at that time my husband had neither a job nor money, and our entire safety net had been depleted due to the previous pandemic, recovery, and medical treatment, not to mention the ongoing current events.”
And that’s it! We lost all the money. All!
I have two children and a cat at home. And you know how it goes, right? It’s exactly during the most severe crisis that everything starts breaking down. You urgently need to buy food, jeans tear, keys and mittens get lost, shoes fall apart. The final straw was the car breaking down: the car, I mean, literally swallowed the ignition key and stopped opening the driver’s door. There was no money to fix it, and the fuel had run out. It became completely unusable…
During the first month of this total chaos, I didn’t even have a chance to transfer child support payments to another account, and they got swallowed by the credit volcano. I also lost income from clients for ongoing work, and my ability to work with clients deteriorated because, in my current state, I wasn’t particularly appealing as a professional.”
It’s no wonder that the images in my head were something like this: I’m a homeless person, my children are homeless, we wander around wrapped in scarfs, we don’t have a phone because I threw it away due to relentless attacks from debt collectors, who were just exacerbating my already inflamed brain.
… winter has come… the white walkers looked into my eyes…
And now, just imagine for a moment what I felt when I tell you that everything that happened to me in reality had nothing to do with me personally because all f those credits were not mine, behind all of this was one person – my husband.
And here I couldn’t change anything. I just wanted to stop feeling anything and for all of this to never be a part of my life AGAIN! To forget it all like a terrible dream, rewrite the story, and never, never again in my life succumb to the persuasion that credits are… (I will skip explaining why I took on so many credit obligations, don’t bother asking yourself that question either. I can only say that’s just how I am. I was.)
Inside me, a snowstorm raged, nothing but infernal rage and thirst for revenge, I would even say vengeance, which I didn’t feel at the time.
My entire carefully built world, in which I worked as a GSR specialist for my own pleasure, collapsed overnight: legally, I was both a director and an owner, and a guarantor, and personal loans for business projects were also at some point taken out in my name.
I fell into my own internal hell of primal, suffocating fear for my present, my future, and the future of my children.
At certain moments, when it was difficult for me to distinguish real reality from my inner world, I blamed everything on my husband, the government, banks, debt collectors, notaries, and everyone else in the vicinity! Everyone was to blame for my bankruptcy, and no one saved me!
Powerlessness. Grief. Despondency. Emptiness. Apathy. Anger. Hatred. Hopelessness. Helplessness again…
Externally, I appeared collected and determined, but inside, dead souls stood with scythes. To avoid waking them up, I froze. In reality, this gave an interesting effect of detachment from the situation: “Everything will somehow work out, somehow fall into place, time will pass, everything will settle down, the year 2026 (the end of the credit term) will come, and everything will be fine.” I couldn’t see that I needed to start taking action myself! At that time, my maximum was selling everything and everyone that could bring money – just to pay off at least partially, who cares – to go through life, but not under arrest, just to stop all of this!
Another part of me desperately clung to life, to what could save and pull me out of all of this, and I knew what it was. I grabbed onto it with my teeth and nails, and even when I couldn’t, I did, I did, I did it. It was the first module of GSR.
I caught myself and worked through my states with their help. Every day I entered the field of working on my, uh… rich inner world, let’s call it that, although every morning I woke up with the thought, “Why? What’s the point? Oh, screw it all…” Each work I did in the realm of my inner state allowed me to delve deeper and deeper. I brought my inner demons into the light, in the field of symptoms, I crushed and punished. I showed no mercy, everyone was punished, justice prevailed, and tears were shed by the kitten.
Externally, it may seem like you just need to take action, not despair, take a step, and everything will work out… HAHA three times. For me, the issue was precisely that I couldn’t take action. I knew what I needed to do but didn’t do it. I couldn’t. And then, I started being able to! And at some point, life miraculously started to improve. My client flow was restored. I got myself a work card. I was able to start dealing with banks, debt collectors, and bailiffs. And I did all of this because I take responsibility for my life because I put my signature on those contracts, and back then it was also my choice to act that way.
In 2019, when my credit saga had just begun, I succumbed to all of this out of my weakness, out of fear. Out of the desire to be good, needed, useful, and never be abandoned, I allowed myself to get involved in this adventure. I couldn’t assert my own opinion. It was easier for me not to do any of it and dismiss it as something that wasn’t mine. But how could it not be mine when it’s my husband, my signature? How could I think that it wasn’t mine??
I won’t say that this story is over. White walkers still come to visit me, and winter is a long thing, that’s what winter is, and the path to overcoming a crisis is long. But today it sounds more about real actions, taking responsibility, and daily work. And in all of this, there’s no internal hell where everything around you crumbles and turns into lifeless. There is no longer that Inna who, out of horror and despair, walked along the walls at home and didn’t know how to go on living.
Deep inside, I know exactly what all of this cost me, how much effort I put into resurfacing. The first module of GSR quite literally brought me back to life. After each session, I felt cleaner, brighter, more resilient inside. I created my own path step by step.
Where was my husband all this time? He was by my side, not killed or crucified by me, although he was constantly in a risky zone. On the front lines, so to speak. And our relationship…
You know, as I write this, I realize that the kind of relationship we have now, more mature, deeper, and somehow more substantial, I couldn’t even imagine! I couldn’t have guessed them to be like this because I simply didn’t know about such “like this.”
The feeling that both of us, thanks to working through ourselves during this crisis, have crossed our Rubicon, and now we have each other. Do you understand?
Epilogue
The GSR (Deep Development System) operates flawlessly, effectively, and quickly, especially when working with current states.
I have been using GSR for 4 years and during this time, I have worked on myself using the first module. After experiencing my first instant result in 2019, which was impossible to overlook, I stopped seeking help from other practices because I found my go-to tool.
Today, I am one hundred percent sure that I emerged from this crisis solely because I am a confident user of the first module of GSR. Without the ability to separate the internal from the external, without the skill of working with my subconscious and my internal states, I would have simply dismissed everything and everyone, and our relationship would have shattered due to grievances and resentments. And I can honestly say that this would have been the case because I know where our relationship was headed before encountering GSR.
The first module of GSR has given me the joy of being a daughter and the happiness of being a mother. I have obtained the best profession in the world! I see how the quality of my life is changing, how I am transforming within it, how my talented children are blossoming, and how our relationships are being transformed. Every day, I make the choice in its favor, working on an important topic for myself, but that’s another story…
