A dialogue between a son and a mother:
– Hey, little doughnut, hurry up, let’s pick up Sasha
– Mom, I’m not a doughnut, I’m your son!
– My son? Do you have any proof? – clarified mom pulling his leg.
– Sure! – answered Stepan, not hesitating for a moment. – Look into my eyes, it’s there!
They are crossing the road, smiling, chatting about everything and nothing, laughing, enjoying rejoicing, looking at each other and holding their hands tightly.
That’s my 7-year old son and I. This relationship is something unreal for me. We have never been able to interact with each other so easily, calmly, and with so much support. Even last year everything was completely different, but even then I felt a tight connection with him. He is my motor, my motivation.
Having analysed my journey lately, I realized that I started feeling in a different way. I became more honest and open.
I really like that my ‘inner woman’ is getting more alive: it’s important for me keeping my house clean, taking care of my children, contributing to and supporting my husband, filling my world with love and support. I adore seeing my husband’s smiling and shiny face out of the window : when he comes home, rises his head up knowing that his sons and I are waiting for him. It’s extremely important to know he’s hurrying home, hurrying to see us.
Home is power and coziness , it’s a place where everyone is needed. Our conversations have become more direct, we’ve started improving. All of us. As a family and everyone in their own area. Sometimes it’s hard to find the right words to describe how tightly we have become ‘connected’. It’s precious.
To be honest, having started typing this post, I thought about something that had never come to my mind before, that you can actually change your world a lot by altering yourself. Your feeling and atitude to it.
I used to imagine that you could get an education, then get a profession, learn something new, get more qualifications after that. How can you apply all this to yourself, your life, change your perception of the world, people, your attitude towards them? There has always been only one option – to cut it off, to chop it off, to shut off However, where does it lead to? I haven’t even wandered about it at that time. There was no place for me, for my feeling, but only for ways to survive, to overcome, to reach, and to handle. Or for “I have to”…
Normally, people start thinking about that it’s hight time to change things when everything has almost been lost. I did the same, I started looking for a solution when I realized that I was a stranger in my own life and for my kids. My first thought was, of course, to turn to a psychologist. That’s right, the one for children. Yet, he made me realize that I had to stand on my feet and only then help my sons. That’s how I began working on myself. Perhaps, there was a result but I couldn’t notice it in my life. Seeing my agression towards my loved ones more clearly, and being more reserved were the only changes I noticed. Apart from that, everything remained unchanged. That’s very unpleasant to see in yourself, indeed, so, I stopped the therapy.
As the saying goes, you learn by doing it. I met my friend, who had started learning a new method, tightly related to her work in psychology, with feelings, and narrative therapy. Having chatted with her, I started using that technique.
It was interesting and not complicated to learn the 1st GSR module , although it was a bit unclear how I could change myself just working on myself, and that everything was possible. Step by step, I started noticing that I got more energized, I had more strength to live, I felt less tired, that I could be not exhausted. I could and wanted to spend more time with my friends, I realized that life was getting more interesting, that I could just be, and love. I had more wishes and life got more colors.
It became clear for me that I was more intelligent that I had thought, that I wasn’t trying to pretend to be someone else, playing a role, but I could always be myself everywhere.
At times, I feel like I’m Neo (from ‘the Matrix’), who has had a new function installed and he is trying to sense how it feels, playing with his fingers, squeezing them in a fist, feeling his new body. Working on my feelings, I feel as if I were new, true, and open to my children, husband and my close ones.
Going through transformations I notice how they and the world around and my perception of it are changing. We live the way we feel. You are highly unlikely to be be looking into your future or being gentle If everything annoys you. You will only shut off and leave.
If deep down you feel good, and at ease then you want to share it with you dearest ones, support them, and move forward. In turn, a way forward appears, and they respond to this vibe. The results of these situations are different, aren’t they?
That’s why I keep on working on myself with the help of the 1st GSR module, choosing to work with my feelings, and I’m getting closer to the real me. Everything is possible. The true me is my kids’ happy future after all. As well as their own kids.
